The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
