Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
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