After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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