There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
