Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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