How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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