woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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