Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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