I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
