So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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