Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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