Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
