oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
