I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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