yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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