i barfeds in our rink
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
