8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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