UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
