I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
