??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
