so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
