i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
