Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
