he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
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she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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