watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
