Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
