Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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