What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
