Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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