So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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