What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Alive.
So much puke
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
