Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
one two three fourrrrnication!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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