are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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