So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
