She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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