The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
