dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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