Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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