How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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