I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm like, not good at living.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
