Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I didn't notice because vodka
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
