A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
