i just google imaged poop.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
