one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
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It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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