I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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