my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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