why didn't you poke me back
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
