Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
