Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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