:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dick very happy bro
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
