i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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