As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
