You made me cry and you don't even care
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
