The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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