After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
and she was petting her beer can
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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