it's too hot outside to masturbate.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
