I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
