i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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