I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She's the barista slut.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
