he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
