I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
