Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
