This girl is more easily done than said...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
