apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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