I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
