I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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