You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
